Summing Winter Quarter up in one word: disaster.
Disaster isn’t even the extent of it. That’s the nice way of putting how the last 2-3 months went. It was one of the worst mental, physical, emotional, and academic periods of my life thus far. I would say that that’s a moderately accurate statement for the last few years of my life, but especially true for this quarter. But alas, I made it through, have finished my finals as of today, and am ready to try to pick myself up again. Who knows how the next 2-3 months will go for me. I’m so tragic sometimes that not even God probably knows what’s up with me.
- Find a hobby/continue with my hobbies: I’d like to think of myself as more of a creative person. I’m not an exceptionally good artist by any means nor am I a renowned creator, but I still think I’m within the creative world. Starting this blog and new Insta to accompany it has been a nice new hobby, so I want to stick with it in addition to filming parts of my life which I have been total poop at. Heh. I wish I had my crafting supplies to craft with, but alas they’re at home home.
- Write everyday: Every since I was younger, I’ve always loved reading and writing. Creative writing. Not MMW papers (@UCSD #ERC). Keeping up with writing is oddly hard after a certain point, but I want to pursue writing an entry everyday whether it’s on this blog, in my journal, or letter to someone. It can be a whole opus on my thoughts about the world, a snippet of what happened during my day, a compilation of my train wreck feelings…pretty much anything. I just want to write. For someone who has a scattered brain at all times, I think this has been and will continue to help me find some sort of organization. I just need to keep up. And I think writing’s a good way to promote creativity and expand eloquence/articulation.
- Stay focused on school & don’t overwhelm yourself: STOP OVERWHELMING YOURSELF, J. I do this every quarter. I take 5 classes and want to kill myself and underperform. Going into this next quarter, I’m going to start with 5 but test it out for the first 4 weeks of drop period without a W. I never take advantage of this because I have too much pride and think I can handle. I can handle. But I can’t always handle well. If I can’t handle all my classes well, I need to drop down to 4 classes. I will, I will, I will! And, although not ideal, I was up all last night to study for all the finals I had today (MMW in particular) and I had never tried so hard in that class. It was my fault that I had to cram so much since I always skipped lecture and didn’t pay attention when I did go (not recommended), so I had to learn weeks and weeks of material in less than a day. I realized that if I appliy myself like I did in the cramming, I would be so much more successful in my classes. I say this every quarter. Gonna try again next quarter though! I mean, if it’ll keep me from panicking during finals next quarter + hopefully boost my grades, then maybe I should take trying harder seriously. I’m a smart cookie. I just need to remind myself that.
- Cultivate friendships!: Wow, to be honest, I was an overall terrible friend to a lot of people this quarter. I didn’t mean to be. The bad parts of life just sucked me in and took up all my time and energy. And I hate that. I didn’t put enough time into my friendships and overlooked the friends who were reaching out to. Time to get social again.
- Take care of yourself: If there’s one thing on this list that I need to put my whole heart into, it’s this. I am so terrible at this. I know it and my friends know it. They’re always nagging me about. I WILL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! I PROMISE YOU I WILL, J!
- Mind: this quarter was on the list of top 5 – possibly even top 3 – most difficult mental struggles of my life, for a plethora of reasons. I want to work on being able to control my mind when I get into really bad mood swings. At the 2 people who possible even read my posts: any suggestions on cultivating positive thoughts and keeping level moods? Message me.
- Body: I was really good about working out and eating better during Fall Quarter and went super ham in the beginning-middle of this quarter, but then it went down hill. I got busy, my body was going through some weird health phases, and I lost a lot of motivation and got lazy. Basically just gotta get back on my old routine and make it part of my life again as well as being conscious of the foods I’m eating and to NOT OVER EAT. I’ll keep eating when I’m full just because I love food. AND I NEED TO STOP. Oh, and I need to sleep more. Wow, yeah. How could I forget. Exercise regularly, eat properly, and sleep!
- Spirit/Soul: This relates to my first goal, but I think that a good way to keep a healthy spirit and feed a deprived soul is to do things that you love. Creative hobbies, adventures, learning and seeing new things, etc. Also would be down for suggestions on this and how you keep a healthy spirit/soul.
Alright, it’s 11:32 PM on March 23rd and I’ve been awake since 7AM on March 22nd. This is a problem. I legitimately haven’t closed my eyes for longer than a blink in the last…almost 41 hours? No human should be able to do that. I need to start taking care of myself, sigh. Goodnight, goobs.
Morning update & serious reminder to take care of myself: in the midst of all my studying and life and everything, I didn’t realize that I hadn’t eaten since Wednesday afternoon (39 hours ish) and I almost collapse and threw up when I got out of bed. We get one body and I’ve been so neglectful towards it and it’s such a shame. Just a little wake up call to myself and whoever is reading this. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
Until my next set of goal.
Love always, J.